A Funeral, a Miscarriage, and Undying Hope

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Loss, we don’t acknowledge because it hurts.
Hope, we don’t acknowledge because we are afraid that it will disappear.

Why aren’t we talking more openly about Hope,
The unsung hero of all our deepest tragedies?

Are we afraid that, like all our cherished fairy tales,
We have outgrown the belief in Hope?

So few things in our lives are truly unwavering.
Why should Hope be any different?

I have become more intimately acquainted with loss;
But Hope has always been with me, pushing me forward.

I lost two people.
And I loved them both.

One of them I knew for my whole life;
The other, for a week.

One of them lived a full life on this earth,
The other lived for only a month.

One of them has a face that is so familiar to me that I can still see it in my mind.
And the other’s face, I never got to see.

Sometimes pieces of your past and pieces of your future
Die at the same time.

My grandmother and my baby are both gone and both missed,
But my Hope survived.

Bystanders to this pain can say of the former, “At least she lived a full life”
And that is true.

They can say of the latter, “At least you weren’t very far along”
And that is also true.

Neither of these true statements has brought me any comfort whatsoever.
But my tribe and my God have.

We need to be careful. We need to be patient. And we need to be there.
We need to surround one another with comfort and goodness.

Don’t give up on yourself, your community, or your God.
They are all still good even in your pain.

We have to talk about our pain, once we are able.
This is the only way that people have a chance to love us through it.

I have lost two people that I loved;
And I learned from each of those losses different, difficult things.

Through the loss of my grandmother,
I learned that we need each other.

My community held my hand as I stumbled through a familiar type of loss;
The kind of loss that most people will inevitably experience in their lifetime.

They supported me
And I intend to pay that support forward.

Through the loss of my baby,
I learned that hope is worth the pain of disappointment.

The saying goes,
“Don’t get your hopes up or you’ll be disappointed.”

The way I see it, if you’re going to be disappointed;
You might as well enjoy feeling happy and hopeful while you can.

I recklessly hoped
That my child would like me.

I willingly hoped that my baby would grow to be strong,
Look like my husband, and love Jesus.

I intentionally hoped that my kid would one day be kind to people who are different
And treat the less fortunate with dignity and respect.

I hoped wildly; even though people say you shouldn’t.
I gave my baby the excitement that every child deserves, for as long as I could.

I hoped that the dreams growing in my belly would survive.
And even though they didn’t, my Hope did.

I got my hopes up and I got my heart broken;
but I don’t regret it.

I hoped completely
And it didn’t kill me.

So I keep on hoping.
And I hope I always will.

One thought on “A Funeral, a Miscarriage, and Undying Hope

  1. Mattie, I know that disappointment all too well. I also know that God’s presence carried me through. Hope kept me seeking for His will. His timing brought the most incredible gifts. Our Lord is faithful to bring whatever it takes into our lives to accomplish His plan for us. For me, I had to accept and embrace the disappointments. I learned how to trust Him with every aspect of my life. He works ALL Things together for our good. I love you and I’m here for you!


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