Sadness like a bitter wine

Kisatchie National Forest

The hard and scary thing about grief is how it sneaks up on you. How the normal and even exciting things in life start to turn your stomach and make you feel inexplicably sad. How you are walking through life, seemingly managing your grief, when suddenly a miscarriage isn’t just a miscarriage anymore. It’s a baby that you will never get to meet. And it feels like the weight of that sadness might crush you. And you miss important things because they seem impossible to endure, some days. There are days, more and more frequently as time goes by, where you don’t feel sad at all. And then there are days where you feel your sadness fermenting in your gut like a bitter wine. And in all of those days, there is work that has to be done – to fight off the bitterness, to prioritize self-care, to remember positive things about yourself, and to love people and God as well as you can. It is especially difficult when you feel like your grief and the aftermath therein is disappointing the people around you – to thank your body, mind, and heart for protecting you. When you start to feel guilty for choosing the path of least resistance when it comes to grief, thank yourself for knowing when to draw that line. And thank the people who not only hold you up, but hold you back when your tendency to “just power through” is threatening your peace.

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