Addressing the Roots

For a very long time, we tried to fix everything that was broken in our marriage by suffocating ourselves under forced reactions to natural problems. Then, through therapy and emotional overtime, we started addressing the roots of the trees that were casting shadows on our marriage. And then, I got to know my husband in a new light. … More Addressing the Roots

You Are Safe. Keep Digging.

You are safe. Whatever you find, when you begin to look inward will not break you. When you have to tear down walls that you have been building since childhood needs were left unmet, keep going. When you are afraid of the new wounds you will get as you tend to old wounds that were never cared for properly, don’t quit. When you are on the brink of revelation, dig deep and find whatever is hiding under years of settled dust. … More You Are Safe. Keep Digging.

Happy Hunting

Emotional stability can often feel like a full-time job. Well, I’m putting in overtime today. Some days Peace might be hiding in yellow leaves on a tree – nothing spectacular, just something pretty that catches your eye. It might be tucked away in the bright red paint on the tip of Autumn’s brush. … More Happy Hunting

I Am Tired

It’s been a long year and I am tired. I have this sinking feeling, a familiar one, that the fire is going out. I see how other people burn and I remember that flame in myself. When I was younger, it seemed like I was constantly ablaze. And now life has slowed me down; which burns in a different way. I am afraid of growing old quietly. There is as much pain and injustice in the world now as there was when I took these pictures over a decade ago; but I am gentler now. … More I Am Tired

To Isaac:

To Isaac: “I love someone that was never born.” I saw that on a keychain that must have been made by a parent as empty as I am. I should have seen your face today, but instead I am using a due date calculator to try to convince myself that maybe I got the due date wrong. I never actually had one, not really. Maybe it’s tomorrow or maybe I missed it already. Even mothers who have lost their child have selfish mom moments. Well, mine is happening right now. … More To Isaac:

The Broken Lighthouse

It’s like the light is out in the lighthouse and I don’t know how to navigate my life anymore. I never had the lighthouse to look at before, so why does it matter if the light is out now? How can someone that I never met make such a difference in my ability to make decisions? I don’t know. I just know that something inside of me changed when I saw those pink lines and I can’t go back. … More The Broken Lighthouse

Just Standing

Are you ever just standing? I don’t mean leaning leisurely under the shade of a giant tree; or at the base of some magnificent thing that you are observing. I mean just standing. Like you are at the edge of a bridge, a sturdy one – not the kind you are afraid will give way beneath you, but you don’t cross over. Or like you got to the top of the slide and just stood there, looking at it. … More Just Standing

A Hike in Unfamiliar Woods

Grief is a hike in the woods on a trail you’ve never taken before. There is a pounding fear of being completely lost interrupted by the relief of seeing a trail marker. The path ahead is long; so long in fact, that you might never see the end. But there are signs along the way to remind you that you are on the right track, moving in the right direction. Coping with loss is more about looking for the trail markers than it is about seeing the end. … More A Hike in Unfamiliar Woods