To Isaac:

To Isaac: “I love someone that was never born.” I saw that on a keychain that must have been made by a parent as empty as I am. I should have seen your face today, but instead I am using a due date calculator to try to convince myself that maybe I got the due date wrong. I never actually had one, not really. Maybe it’s tomorrow or maybe I missed it already. Even mothers who have lost their child have selfish mom moments. Well, mine is happening right now. … More To Isaac:

The Broken Lighthouse

It’s like the light is out in the lighthouse and I don’t know how to navigate my life anymore. I never had the lighthouse to look at before, so why does it matter if the light is out now? How can someone that I never met make such a difference in my ability to make decisions? I don’t know. I just know that something inside of me changed when I saw those pink lines and I can’t go back. … More The Broken Lighthouse

Wind-Up Toy

When suddenly, one day, it was quiet her mind
She heard a strange thumping noise, familiar and kind
A wind-up toy that found herself suddenly unwound
Could hear, or feel, an almost undetectable sound
Pounding in a chest more used to hearing cymbals clang
The toy began to weep. Through tears of sorrow she sang,
“I have often wondered what it felt like to be real
But I had no idea how much it would hurt to feel
How can I keep singing with this pain inside my chest?
Will anyone sing with me this song of brokenness?” … More Wind-Up Toy

Commitment to Community

I have not always been merciful to my community and it has not always been kind to me. I have doubted its loyalty and distanced myself from the possibility of pain. I have shown up unwilling to work or waver in my stubbornness. I have listened to the lies that my feelings told and let them rot and spoil in the dampness of my mind. I have not treated my community’s wounds because I believed that it had earned them. But I am committed to my community as a wife commits to her husband. … More Commitment to Community

The Calm In Me

How long will I be seasick?
We’ve been at this for days
The compass is unreadable
Bouncing in the waves
When you asked me to go fishing
I thought that meant you knew 
Where to go to catch these men 
In this great big blue
But everything seems harder now
Each task made more complex
By the ups and downs of all the waves
And water on the decks  … More The Calm In Me