To Isaac: “I love someone that was never born.” I saw that on a keychain that must have been made by a parent as empty as I am. I should have seen your face today, but instead I am using a due date calculator to try to convince myself that maybe I got the due date wrong. I never actually had one, not really. Maybe it’s tomorrow or maybe I missed it already. Even mothers who have lost their child have selfish mom moments. Well, mine is happening right now. … More To Isaac:
I have rarely spoken his name and almost never heard it said. That’s the part about miscarriage that makes you feel insane. You fall instantly in love with someone you have never met, never seen, and have barely known. I decided afterwards that I needed to give my baby a name and a gender. Of … More Isaac, My Little Lamb
Grief is a hike in the woods on a trail you’ve never taken before. There is a pounding fear of being completely lost interrupted by the relief of seeing a trail marker. The path ahead is long; so long in fact, that you might never see the end. But there are signs along the way to remind you that you are on the right track, moving in the right direction. Coping with loss is more about looking for the trail markers than it is about seeing the end. … More A Hike in Unfamiliar Woods
The hard and scary thing about grief is how it sneaks up on you. How the normal and even exciting things in life start to turn your stomach and make you feel inexplicably sad. How you are walking through life, seemingly managing your grief, when suddenly a miscarriage isn’t just a miscarriage anymore. It’s a … More Sadness like a bitter wine
Sometimes pieces of your past and pieces of your future die at the same time.
My grandmother and my baby are both gone and both missed, but my Hope survived. … More A Funeral, a Miscarriage, and Undying Hope