Self-esteem Doesn’t Grow on Trees

Some days, I feel lost in my own maze. I find myself frequently caught in the middle of moods that surround me on all sides, blocking my view of the sun. The days in my marriage that are hardest for me are the ones when it feels like something is “off” but nothing actually is. I have spent countless hours trying to bottle all the parts of our best days, so I could clone them later. But you can’t grow happiness in a jar. It can only be found in the wild. The movement and passion of organically grown joy has no synthetic equal. … More Self-esteem Doesn’t Grow on Trees

Every Other Line: An Ode to Type One

Every other line of the dialogue in my head
Is criticism both of me and from me
Not quite good enough or strong enough yet
Attempting to make something lovely
Afraid of myself, haunted more by my shadow
Unaffected by most of the horrors
Inner critic is raging, impatient and thorough
Yet always the champion of others … More Every Other Line: An Ode to Type One

Commitment to Community

I have not always been merciful to my community and it has not always been kind to me. I have doubted its loyalty and distanced myself from the possibility of pain. I have shown up unwilling to work or waver in my stubbornness. I have listened to the lies that my feelings told and let them rot and spoil in the dampness of my mind. I have not treated my community’s wounds because I believed that it had earned them. But I am committed to my community as a wife commits to her husband. … More Commitment to Community

A Staring Contest with Grace

I have found inside the deep black pupil of Forgiveness’ eye a longing for me that makes my chest hurt. He waits for me and woos me and he believes that I am worthy. This – the staring contest that I did not knowingly enter, the one that will last forever – is changing me. I turn my eyes. I blink. I cry. I close them as tight as I can and when I open them again, Grace has not left me. I tell him that he has won and that I have failed. But he does not look away. … More A Staring Contest with Grace